“The more you have loved and allowed yourself to suffer because of that love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart, even when they depart from you. They will become part of yourself and gradually build a community within you.”
– Henri Nouwen
In love, there is suffering. This can be profound in a season of caregiving as we say goodbye day by day — or in a case of sudden loss when an unexpected death breaks open our world. This can feel like a tsunami: powerful waves washing over all that is familiar, leaving everything in disarray.
And yet, in his book, The Inner Voice of Love, Catholic priest Henri Nouwen suggests that even in seasons of tremendous pain, God is mysteriously at work. Through breaking, the heart can also expand, growing wider and deeper to hold more. In a very real way, he believes that those we have loved dwell in us, becoming part of a hidden community in our hearts. We can keep them close by recognizing the ways that they are now part of us. We can hold onto their words, their witness and their influence. The word influence is taken from the Latin “influere” which literally means to flow in — the love that flowed from you into your person, and from them into you — has changed you both forever. Even after you have said goodbye, the love you shared lives on in the community of your heart.
– Chaplain Jenny Schroedel
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across PHS sites and in the larger community. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
If you are interested in joining a group or establishing one at your community, contact Optage Hospice or call 651-746-8200. Optage is the home and community services division of Presbyterian Homes & Services.