When you are grieving, some might say, “Just be grateful that…” These statements rarely land well. No one else gets to tell us how to feel. Your loss and healing process is uniquely your own. Most of us need time to absorb the tremendous changes that accompany loss without being rushed toward a positive reframe.
As Catholic priest John Richard Neuhaus wrote in his article “Born Toward Dying” (First Things, February 2000), “A measure of reticence and silence is in order. There is a time to be present to death — whether one’s own or that of others — without any felt urgencies about doing something about it or getting over it.”
And yet, time tugs us forward. The leaves are falling, the air is cold, and Thanksgiving is near — a time when we gather with others to give thanks. This can feel like unwelcome pressure when you are simply trying to survive. In a time of tremendous pain, how does one give thanks?
Be gentle with yourself as you enter this holiday season, just as you are with all that you carry. Our hearts stretch to carry more than we imagine: sorrow and joy, regret and relief, grief and gratitude. With compassion for ourselves, plenty of pauses and support from others, we find our way, day-by-day.
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across PHS sites and in the larger community. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
If you are interested in joining a group or establishing one at your community, contact Optage Hospice at 651-746-8200.