In the journal C.S. Lewis kept after his wife died, A Grief Observed, he captured the signs of healing when he wrote, “There was no sudden, striking and emotional transition. Like the warming of a room or the coming of daylight, when you first notice them, they have already been going on for some time.”
In our own lives, healing might not look quite like we (or others) expect. Healing does not mean:
- Getting back to “normal.” The death of a loved one changes us. We are plunged into a new world, where every moment of every day is different.
- No more tears. In time, emotions can feel less raw. Even so, a holiday, anniversary or memory can bring up fresh grief. With support from others and gentleness toward ourselves, we can become more resilient.
- Living fearlessly. The loss of a loved one (especially when sudden) can make the world feel unsafe and unpredictable. We may become more cautious, to wonder when the next shoe will drop and to begin to organize our own affairs.
The changes we experience in grief demonstrate our tremendous ability to adapt and learn from our lives. This is normal and healthy. Even so, if you begin to feel stuck, reach out to someone you trust: a counselor, chaplain or friend. You might also consider joining one of our support groups to connect with others who can help you find your way forward. You need not travel alone.
-Chaplain Jenny Schroedel
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across PHS sites and in the larger community. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
If you are interested in joining a group or establishing one at your community, contact Optage Hospice or call 651-746-8200. Optage is the home and community services division of Presbyterian Homes & Services.