“In this life, there is no finished symphony.” – Karl Rahner
Many years ago, I provided support to a young man after his wife died. He struggled with regrets about the care he provided in her final months. Even though he gave himself fully to this task, he felt he had fallen short. During that season, he was exhausted. Sometimes he lost his patience. But he kept showing up for her, day after day. As he explored some of the lingering questions around his time as a caregiver, he said something I will never forget. He said, “I did not expect that in grief, I would learn so much about myself.”
Like so many who grieve, he eventually found peace by coming to terms with the reality that we all love imperfectly, moment by moment. On this side of the veil, we only see in part. There is just so much we do not know or understand. Earthly love is an awkward dance as we balance competing demands with human frailty. To the remembered dance, and to each dance going forward, we bring ourselves, just as we are. But we can also continue to learn and grow. Loss invites us to change how we live.
As we live more deeply into the questions, we can also bring gentleness — toward ourselves and others — knowing that even after death, relationships continue in their own mysterious ways. As we grow more deeply in knowledge of ourselves and the other person, we begin to see more clearly. On this earth we only see in part, but one day we will know fully, even as we are fully known.
– Chaplain Jenny Schroedel
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across PHS sites and in the larger community. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
If you are interested in joining a group or establishing one at your community, contact Optage Hospice or call 651-746-8200. Optage is the home and community services division of Presbyterian Homes & Services.