“In the end, we remember people in pieces — slivers of memory, images, bursts of sound, and trails of whispers.”
-Patti Davis, Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer’s
If you are a caregiver losing your loved one slowly, or if you have recently experienced their death, you may be feeling some of what Patti Davis describes here. We grieve even as we say goodbye, day by day. Afterward, we remember them in the moments we expected to share with them: the birth of a grandchild, an eightieth birthday party, a family wedding. Grief does not just break our hearts, it can also frustrate them, because, after a lifetime of caring, all that love still needs somewhere to go.
Here are some ideas for expressing that love:
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- Write a letter…or a book. What do you do with all the memories? You could put them into a letter, create a legacy video or a photo book
- Carve out space to reflect. During the caregiving journey, and for some time after, it may be helpful to create a comforting, designated space to absorb all that you have experienced.
- Honor a legacy. Consider what your loved one was passionate about. Caring for others by donating to an organization or practicing random acts of kindness in their name can be life-giving.
- Tend a grave. After your loved one dies, it can be comforting to visit their grave. You can tidy it up, leave flowers, talk to your person. Notice the changes that come as seasons shift — not just in the world around you, but in yourself as well.
Grief Support (offered via Zoom)
Grief Rituals
Wednesday, Oct. 16 from 7 to 8 p.m. CT
We’ll explore how we remember through the role of personal grief rituals in the healing process.
Grief & Gratitude
Wednesday, Nov. 20 from 7 to 8 p.m. CT
We’ll explore the challenges (as well as potential benefits) of walking with both grief and gratitude.
Grief & the Holidays
Wednesday, Dec. 18 from 7 to 8 p.m. CT
We’ll offer strategies to navigate the upcoming holidays during a season of grief.
Optage Hospice Chaplain Jenny Schroedel facilitates grief groups across PHS sites and in the larger community. Jenny is also an author, most recently of Naming The Child: Hope-filled Reflections on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death.
If you are interested in joining a group or establishing one at your community, contact Optage Hospice at 651-746-8200.